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avatar DoomRulz 11 day.ago

Did you hear about the goat who cusses in Korean?

He goes around bleating, "sheep-baaaaal"! FYI, in Korean, the word for fuck (and shit, I think) is ssibal (pronounced shee-bal).

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1. A man is watching porn on his PC in his home office when his wife walks in and he quickly switches to golf videos.

She hands him mail that arrived and as she leaves the office says to her husband. "Switch back to the porn, you already know how to play golf."

2. One of my buddies asked me if I'll ever stop drinking

I said sure, I don't plan on living forever.

3. I was sitting on the sofa watching some youtube on the telly last night, when my wife from the bedroom yelled, "Do you ever get pains in your chest like someone with a voodoo doll is stabbing it?" I replied, "No."

Then she asked, "How about now?"

4. Got home to find my wife had left a note on the fridge that said "This isn't working I'm going to my mum's"

I opened up the fridge. The light was on and the beer was cold. I'm not sure what she was talking about.

5. Mary Poppins' lipstick

Did you know that Mary Poppins has stopped using lipstick before giving blowjobs? That's because super colour fragile lipsticks makes the dicks atrocious.

6. Titanic?

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7. Why couldn't the lifeguard rescue the hippie?

He was too far out.

8. I'm concerned my cat has become a communist.

He keeps saying "Mao."

9. I went on a couple dates with a pirate. At first I was skeptical, but then I spent a night in bed with her.

That’s when I was hooked.

10. Why didn't I have fun at your haunted house?

Well, nothing jumps out at me.

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